Black Peter And The Heebie Jeebies

Blogs are like relatives. It's awkward when you first return but once you're back you always seem to be wonderin': "why so long?"

My beloved Pistons, the only likable team in the Detroit Area has fallen from the Eastern Elite. Note: I use "likable" instead of "lovable" because the Detroit Lions are right now, in the Economically depressed state of Michigan, the most lovable team I have ever encountered. People everywhere are rising up in ironic support of their ineptitude. Just today I was walking past a barber shop and caught sight of three signed photographs in the window. They were of Matt Millen, Rod Marinelli, and Mike Martz. I laughed out loud, my guffaws echoing through the air. I didn't realize that people inside the store were watching me. I looked inside and they were laughing with me. Also, I've been to a bar every day I've been here. They've been varying places--high end, low end, friend's basement--but one thing has united one. In every bar people are discussing Calvin Johnson's potential. Eminem might be coming back but this is culture right now.

Onward to Basketball, the sport I've been ignoring for football over the past three weeks. Sorry, it's just been a slate of far too good games.

I've caught a lot of Pistons since I've been back. I caught the second half of tough loses versus Utah and Atlanta (where we benched AI in the fourth no less). It is disheartening to say bvut the soul of this team left town with Chauncey Billups. Now, there is no way in hell Chauncey would be this effective in the D. My professor said he was smoking too much but aftern the cathartic experience of going home for Christmas I can understand how returning to his hometown of Denver as the favorite son, the homecoming conqueror, would rejuvenate a man's game. Throw in the ineptitude of Coach George, the hot and coldness of 'Melo, and you have a man with free reign over his destiny. It's great to see Chauncey mingle among the league's elite once again. He's a streaky player but I trust it'll last through the season and a first round victory. That deserves a parade in my book.

The downside of Chauncey's trade to Denver has been the disshevelment of the once Super Duper Pistons. Allen Iverson has yet to find a groove with the team and for the first time since his rookie year he's picking up some doubters. This landed him on the bench during crunch time. Hopefully it spurs a FUCK YOU rennaissance. The biggest effect of Chauncey's departure has been the lack of a late game closer. We're grooming Stuckey for the role and he's proven to be more than up to the task. Already I'd say he's a rich man's Ben Gordon but he's got a long way to go before carrying the Pistons through late game stretches is a routine reality. He poured 40 on Chicago tonight, inspiring the masses, but late game histronics will continue to be a dystopic mess. Run Rip off a screen, try to get AI to the line, or let Stuckey go all twirl a whirl through the D. Letting these players do what they do is fine and good but it's a sorely missed step behind the precision late game execution honed to a religious ritual by one Mr. Big Shot.


Thoughts on the East.
Sometime in the future we might have to pick sides of Cleveland versus Boston for control of the East. I'll hate the Cavs until they switch back to the old unis to honor Larry Nance and Daugherty and will never ever cheer for a Boston team. Pressed for an opinion, I'd rather pull out my eyebrows.
Orlando could be the knight in shining armor that lifts the season to the next level. A second round series between the Magic and Cavs seems like an inevitability. The Cavs may have dominated Autumn through intensity but no amount of hustle can quell Dwight's muscle. (Look at me! I made a poem)
The Atlanta Hawks have silly silly home games. Watching on television it seems like a depressing night club, trying way too hard to distract from its sparse crowds.

As Always...

Bryan is right. My enthusiasm towards Sports has waned to levels unseen since my 8th grade spring when I got way into Slipknot and bored by the inevitable Lakers-Pacers Finals. Even then, Rik Smits was a silver lining. 

Aside from the enthusiasm injected by an Obama Presidency, each of the three major Sports is boondoggled with problems. The game isn't the problem but the mass media abuses its power of infinite resources to turn everything into a shit show. My favorite salve for boredom, as it has been since literacy, is reading about sports but outside of the FreeDarko, Sports Illustrated, True Hoop, Deadspin, and KissingSuzyKolber Canon the way Sports are being covered is not conducive to fandom. Reading Bryan's post I was refreshed because I could tell that it was written by a fan. He inspired me to watch basketball or even the terrible sport of the NFL. I haven't watched a game start to finish in 3 weeks (even the NFL!). 

I feel bad and ashamed of liking Sports so much when they are in the doldrums like this but this shame stems not from the contents but the idiotic way in which they are covered. Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan appealed to me as a six year old, rousing my interest in Sports that consumes to this very day;. The 1992-93 season was pitted as an epic  battle. Even with my beloved Pistons getting over the hill and kind of pathetic by association, Barkley and Jordan represented a duel of epic proportions. Like Lions versus Christians except the Christians won in the end. Barkley set the archetype for loose cannon, fun loving athletes. He was lazy, blunt, but utterly charming. More than a basketball player, he was a cartoon villain. My mom bought me a T-Shirt for "Barkley-O's Cereal" promising to "wreck havoc in every box". It only seemed right when he played Godzilla in a television commercial. On the other hand, Jordan was Bugs Bunny (and this was even before Space Jam). Young Jordan was a marvel to watch both on and off the court. Michael Jordan's Playground, Michael Jordan: Come Fly With Me were chalky, shoddily made videos that made me love him as a cherubic sky walker. Then I started watching him out wile, outsmart, utterly outdo opponents in every facet of the game and began to hate him. More than Magic versus Bird, this was a battle, fuck the eighties and their black versus white racial overtones as overarching narratives. This was Saturday Morning Cartoons and Gladiators rolled into one. I suppose it helped that jordan was a Saturday Morning Cartoon. 

The players dictated the myths around them. 

I learned about LeBron James when he was 15. I vainly tried to convince my parents to drive to Akron to watch him play in High School. They wouldn't agree. Too bad. That was my last chance to watch him when he was still likable. LeBron is great, probably the best player in the league this season (sorry Kobe and CP3), but focus is not on the player but rather his place in history and his future destinations. Superstars, bringing in bucket upon bucket of grubby money, deserve the acclaim but the don't force feed me the greatness. The NBA is ran by smart people, very very very smart people, but they may be too smart. Aware of a player's potential place in history, they heap them into historical contexts and ride their coat tails to the bring the league into prominence. 

This furthers the great narrative of the league but it is has made the biggest names unlikable or at the very least uninteresting. 

The 5 biggest stars (not best players) are as follows. 

LeBron James

Kobe Bryant

Yao Ming

Tim Duncan

Paul Pierce 

Too bad they've been ruined. Constant coverage and unnatural connotations have made it impossible to think about them without the following thoughts. 

LeBron James- "WHERE WILL HE GO IN 2010? (the most annoying story I've ever encountered about any one or thing), how does he play with new teammates?, how can Cleveland please him?" Ugh. LeBron makes it impossible to savor the moment. 

Kobe Bryant- Is he as good as Jordan? Is his redemption complete? Kobe makes me question if anything about him is legit. 

Yao Ming- CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA GLOBALIZATION GLOBALIZATION. He makes it feel like a business meeting. 

Tim Duncan- We are tired of him winning because every one is tired of seeing the Spurs win. Maybe if they wore colors. In truth, this is a pretty cool Spurs team. Tim carrying an injured squad gives one of our greatest a new challenge, Tony and Manu have their first taste of adversity and Roger Mason is one of the all-out ballsiest players in the league and makes me remember when he was projected as a lottery pick waaaaaaaaay back when. Though they may be cool it's like going into your garage to see your Grandfather welding after 10 years of watching him whittle. Though cool, because it's him, you brand it as uncool. 

Paul Pierce- Boston's legacy is insufferable and I live on the West Coast, thousands of miles away. Good thing no cares about their city outside of Sports and Accents. If they tried to rub shoulders with New York and Chicago we'd become the new French. 

A player must be tarnished, untapped, or an underdog to gain my approval. 

Here is hope: 

Chris Paul 

Dwight Howard

Devin Harris 

Dywwayane Wade (Thank God no one cares anymore cause his game is beautiful) 

Amare Stoudamie (Everybody loves a malcontent) 

Since We Last Spoke Pt. 8,734

I don't buy Cleveland as a legitimate championship contender yet. Yes, LeBron looks by far and away the best player in the league this year, but there's no way you can say that the Cavs are the NBA's best team.

As much as I dislike Boston (trust me, I do), I find the idea that the Cavaliers have eclipsed the Celtics to be laughable. First off, as of today Boston owns the better record, so if you're going by pure season statistics Cleveland is a game worse than them. Secondly, we have not seen this version of the Cavs in the playoffs. I know that's sort of a bullshit point, as they have yet to have the chance to appear in the playoffs; but I feel it's valid in this case. This Cleveland team is fucking brand new. They've only played 18 games or something. There's a lot of time for them to gel and a lot of time for them to fall apart. Boston lost James Posey, but it doesn't look like that fact has even registered with the team. Plus as I wrote the other week, Pierce looks terrifying in the second half of games. Plus, remember that the rest of the team isn't all that bad themselves in the second half.

Plus, if they were to theoretically win the east they would still have to beat whoever wins the west. After a slow start the western conference seems as if it's starting to shape up. The Lakers, Denver, and Utah (with a healthy Williams) look to be extremely legit. Portland is young but good. This teams still a preview, but one that'll make the playoffs. San Antonio is--well, San Antonio. You can't count them out. Ever. That's five solid teams, not taking into account three teams that should be good but look unimpressive so far: Phoenix (c'mon Joel, this is not that Suns teams), Dallas (so meh-worthy, its ridiculous) and Houston (I don't want to give up on them, yet). Yeah whoever wins the west will most likely be beaten up, but they'll be a better fucking team than Cleveland.

Oh, and one last thing...its fucking December.

P.S. In case anyone was wondering Joel is so distraught about the Lions that he's given up on sports. Their season will be over soon though, so I expect him back then at the latest.

One Fragment and One Sentence About Every NBA Team

Atlanta Hawks: Surprised the world by not sucking. I underestimate everyone on their roster as they stem from Georgia. 

Boston Celtics: Exceptional but ultimately obsolete. KG and Pierce chill in All-Star Stratosphere but even with their rings no one can tell  me they are better players than 'Nique or Bernard King. 

Charlotte Bobcats: Larry Brown and youth. I hope this team becomes good despite the boondoggle, lifting Wallace and Okafor to the heavens. 

Fuck this... It's useless and meaningless. 

Not Basketball But Awesome Nonetheless

Forget Dedication 3, the Drought 6 is where it's at. Best album art of the year? I think so!

Also please don't sleep on the new Clipse mixtape. Yeah it's Complex that's helping present the thing, but it's good. At least based on one listen. Find it here.

UGH...

I've been approaching this NBA season with all the enthusiasm of a housewife approaching her third caesarian section. There are no excuses for this, not with The Answer jumping to my beloved 'Stones and stealing a win from the Cavs just in time to prevent them from getting too big for their bridges. Any true Piston fan should feel enthusiasm like they haven't felt since Chauncey routinely sank half court shots in autumn's past. Allen takes bad shots, that's a given, but his intangible effect on the team is phenomenal. Rasheed is running. I haven't seen that dude run since Game 7 versus L.A. way back in the day. I remember that even though that was the year I didn't fit in and decided to like Slipknot and not sports. Rasheed is rejuvenated. Watching him play basketball like this is like watching Mike Utley learn to walk again. Furthermore, Kwame Brown has been a revelation of rejuvenation. If he of all people can rise from the ashes, our greatest successes are only a fingertip away. He sends Amir to the bench, but Nick and Bryan conclude that was the plan all along (I think. I'm not certain of the conversations). IF this is the case it means Dumars was daring enough to keep a red herring on his roster. Genius. Brilliant. Bold. 

Derrick Rose has been so much fun so far. It's a shame the Bulls are the stupidest NBA team ever assembled. Outside of Rose, Deng, and Hinrich, the team is a team of autistics. I watch Tyrus Thomas make two superstar plays in a row but sulk the rest of the game. Larry Hughes carries the weight of Atlas and is forever on the verge of tears. Ben Gordon hoists up shots like they came from an expense account. Drew Gooden? Don't get me started. I have nothing to say about a man who pays more attention to his hair follicles than his game. He calls his current beard the tarantula, he used to wear something on the back of his head that can only be described as a Neck Pussy. For the love of god man, become a stripper already. Rose appears to be special and surrounded with Deng the Bulls could rise to the tops of the East in time. They may even make the playoffs this year, but that does nothing to dissuade me from thinking the Bulls need to blown up more than any other team in the league. 

I am interested in the NBA but far from intrigued. Why is this? It's been predictable so far. The teams expected to be good are doing good. Teams expected to be bad are doing bad. The Knicks are the closest thing to a Phoenix rising from the ashes but the Knicks of my lifetime have been the ultimate turn off. Stark's constant teases and the last three years tumult makes them the last team I would ever deign to care about. I love Lee, I coddle J-Craw, but the blue and orange uniform is a demerit of the highest standard. 

As the saying goes...

First is the worst. 

Second is the best. 

Third is the nerd with the hairy chest. 

I accept the holy triumvirate of LeBron, Kobe, and Chris Paul, but it seems like this season's interest hinges on whoever the 4th best player is. So far no one is stepping forth. Will the old guard (actually a PF/C) Duncan carry a shorthanded team? Will Dirk come back on the horrifically ugly Mavericks? Will Nash still be Nash under Porter? I don't know the answer to these queries but I know it's time for someone to step up and be the man. I suppose Wade has been the fourth best player so far. That goes without saying... but his presence in the pantheon feels somehow doomed. I pray for the new guard to take the reigns. Come on Bosh, go get 'em 'Melo. Someone be unpredictable...

Also...thanks for shitting the bed Horf. 

Since We Last Spoke

"From the ashes I rise like a phoenix."

I once started a blog post (or a live journal post, but how could it be that I am much to cool for Live Journal!!!) and one friend called me up at 4am to ask if my apartment had burned down and if I was okay. No I assured him, that was not the case at all, I was just returning from a prolonged absence, born anew and ready to write. So please, everyone reading this, fret not, my apartment is fine, even with two Canadians holed up next to me. But I am back to writing.

As I've been gone for more than a week there are quite a few things that I wish to cover, so please forgive the fragmented nature of the following post. It just seems like the most efficient way of saying what I want to say.

Last Wednesday, November 12th, was the first great day of this infant NBA season. We were treated to not one, but two quality games. First there was the Boston-Atlanta game that wasn't over until the final second when Pierce had to hit one of his now commonplace clutch shots.
And finally there was the Lakers-Hornets game which may not have seemed like it was great, but what looked like it would be a sure Los Angeles blowout turned into a tense game 7 point game that was closer than that.

I will now delve into what was important about these two games.

1. Atlanta showed that they're for real. No I doubt they'll finish in the top half of the conference, but I fully expect this team to make it to the playoffs. There's something refreshing about this, that even Childress' departure can't temper (I have a long history with Childress, maybe I'll go over it one day). I was sure that last year's showing against Boston was a fluke, but this team is going as far as a Hawks team can. They're not a title threat, but they can now make the playoffs AND! just might steal a series from someone.

2. Even I have to admit that Paul Pierce has now reached the rank of terrifying. He is a perfect example of what confidence does for a person. When he got the ball at the end of the game, there was no doubt in his mind (or any other Celtic) that the game was theres. That's just who Pierce is now. I really do miss the old likable and incredibly flawed Inglewood native who wasn't prone to over theatrics and all around assholeness, but this one is probably a better player. But as Joel and I have talked about before, those old drives to the basket were exhilarating.

3. Like everyone under the sun I fully expect the Lakers to be at the top of the west all season. But I've decided that the Hornets will be right there with them. New Orleans probably won't be a good as last year (people know what to expect from them this year), but they're a fantastic team, a player or some luck short of a championship. As I mentioned earlier, I was dissapointed when I finally checked in on the Lakers/Hornets game because Los Angeles seemed to be fully in control of things. But during the fourth quarter the game got flipped on its head. Next thing I knew the game was in the final minutes and New Orleans was within a basket. And this is the thing, the Lakers didn't let Chris Paul & Co. back into the game, the Hornets forced their way back. It was just good to see the team show such fight and I think this means it might yet develop into an awesome rivalry. I'm keeping my fingers crossed at least.

Some other notes not related to last Wednesday:

Portland is good. I know they got off to a rough start and with the exception of last night Oden has looked meh at best, but this team is fun to watch. Joel probably wouldn't agree, he's full of anti '07 draft backlash, but there's something very idealistic about them. They're a ways from actually being great, but they'll be there some day. Probably a little longer than the rest of the blogosphere thinks though.

Houston is a wreck. I wrote about my dissatisfaction with them last week (something that is partially my fault) but now the injury bug has got a hold of the team. Yao (foot!), Tracy (something!), and Ron Ron (a case of the crazies!) are all banged up and Artest is the only one the team will probably let play through the team. There is a lot of the season left but I feel the Rockets will never live up to their potential. What happens to Artest if they don't though. He's an unrestricted free agent. Unless he punches David Stern during their All Star Weekend dance off I think someone will pay him. I would.

Finally, because Joel demanded it I will mention Pao Gasol's monstrous game from last night. It was just that--monstrous. The fact that he is the Lakers' No. 2 is why they are dominant and will remain so for the time being. The thing is that's about all I have to say. I love Pao. I think he is at times: masterful, graceful, goofy, and kinda cool. But he is not Lamar, the player with whom my heart lies with on the Lakers. I can appreciate him, but I've yet to really embrace him. I'm so glad he's a Laker, but I still need time to adjust to him. Last season he was a novelty, but now the new car smell is gone and he's a just a nice import sedan. Let me spend a few more month rooting for him though. Then the luxury will sink in.