UGH...

I've been approaching this NBA season with all the enthusiasm of a housewife approaching her third caesarian section. There are no excuses for this, not with The Answer jumping to my beloved 'Stones and stealing a win from the Cavs just in time to prevent them from getting too big for their bridges. Any true Piston fan should feel enthusiasm like they haven't felt since Chauncey routinely sank half court shots in autumn's past. Allen takes bad shots, that's a given, but his intangible effect on the team is phenomenal. Rasheed is running. I haven't seen that dude run since Game 7 versus L.A. way back in the day. I remember that even though that was the year I didn't fit in and decided to like Slipknot and not sports. Rasheed is rejuvenated. Watching him play basketball like this is like watching Mike Utley learn to walk again. Furthermore, Kwame Brown has been a revelation of rejuvenation. If he of all people can rise from the ashes, our greatest successes are only a fingertip away. He sends Amir to the bench, but Nick and Bryan conclude that was the plan all along (I think. I'm not certain of the conversations). IF this is the case it means Dumars was daring enough to keep a red herring on his roster. Genius. Brilliant. Bold. 

Derrick Rose has been so much fun so far. It's a shame the Bulls are the stupidest NBA team ever assembled. Outside of Rose, Deng, and Hinrich, the team is a team of autistics. I watch Tyrus Thomas make two superstar plays in a row but sulk the rest of the game. Larry Hughes carries the weight of Atlas and is forever on the verge of tears. Ben Gordon hoists up shots like they came from an expense account. Drew Gooden? Don't get me started. I have nothing to say about a man who pays more attention to his hair follicles than his game. He calls his current beard the tarantula, he used to wear something on the back of his head that can only be described as a Neck Pussy. For the love of god man, become a stripper already. Rose appears to be special and surrounded with Deng the Bulls could rise to the tops of the East in time. They may even make the playoffs this year, but that does nothing to dissuade me from thinking the Bulls need to blown up more than any other team in the league. 

I am interested in the NBA but far from intrigued. Why is this? It's been predictable so far. The teams expected to be good are doing good. Teams expected to be bad are doing bad. The Knicks are the closest thing to a Phoenix rising from the ashes but the Knicks of my lifetime have been the ultimate turn off. Stark's constant teases and the last three years tumult makes them the last team I would ever deign to care about. I love Lee, I coddle J-Craw, but the blue and orange uniform is a demerit of the highest standard. 

As the saying goes...

First is the worst. 

Second is the best. 

Third is the nerd with the hairy chest. 

I accept the holy triumvirate of LeBron, Kobe, and Chris Paul, but it seems like this season's interest hinges on whoever the 4th best player is. So far no one is stepping forth. Will the old guard (actually a PF/C) Duncan carry a shorthanded team? Will Dirk come back on the horrifically ugly Mavericks? Will Nash still be Nash under Porter? I don't know the answer to these queries but I know it's time for someone to step up and be the man. I suppose Wade has been the fourth best player so far. That goes without saying... but his presence in the pantheon feels somehow doomed. I pray for the new guard to take the reigns. Come on Bosh, go get 'em 'Melo. Someone be unpredictable...

Also...thanks for shitting the bed Horf.