Echoing Bryan ie Dressing Like A Giant Pumpkin

Before I begin (I must make up for the oversight of Michael Beasley's inexplicable awfulness in yesterday's blog. My judgement of rookie's is based on a team by team performance and Chalmers charms were enough to make me overlook Beasley's poor stat line. Also, he successfully drove to the rim for an easy lay-up without even breaking into a jog. Encumbered with a firm case of senioritis, I roll out of bed and pass classes. I like similar traits in my players. 

***** 

Malcolm Gladwell is one of my favorite writer's AND one of my favorite sports writer's. I think only Chuckie Klosto replicates the feat making me wonder if such a trait can only be dredged from small town life.  In an interview with Bullshit a while back, Gladwell mentioned how growing up in rural Canada he fell in love with Sports without ever watching them. His fanhood blossomed  through Newspapers and Sports Illustrated. In times like these, when I feel guilty for NOT having League Pass, it is important to remember that a lot can be learned from the pure objectivity of box scores. 

I look at the first two games of the Rockets season. One win comes from gritty, down and dirty, Larry Brown ball the other a ravishing offensive display. Yesterday was a statement game. Like everyone is saying and I have faultily been saying for five years these Rockets are contenders. It was true the last year two years but Yao injuries and matchup problems with Utah halted the message. This stopped them from shining, but the errors made the Rockets sing even louder. We'll be trumpeting them for the rest of the year. A second round appearance will come and no one will care. That is what makes this team great. 

Yesterday's victory over Dallas and a reformed Nowitzki came in affront to all basketball logic. McGrady's offensive output and Carlisle's defensive schemes are true in a way the Bradley effect never will be. They just plain happen regardless of nitpicking. I watched Carlisle coach the Pistons for several years and he knows how to make Defense play out like offense. Last night was a statement game for the new Mavs to come out, but the Rockets goaded them into the jaunty Mavericking of yore with their best threat on the bench. Artest turned offensive and Yao shook off the dust for a fundamentally sound 30. 

Let me stress how premature this all is. 

The Danger of the Rockets is not that they can play any style of ball. The danger, the true threat to Celtic Pride and Laker inevitablity is that they can play any way with any combination of players. Yao, McGrady, and Artest just do it for me and the rest of the gang is one hella funky bunch. The scribes (even the scholars at our hero FreeDarko) denounced that Yao's return would mitigate the breed of defensive small ball lingering from last season. These visions cast Yao as a plodder--which he is-- but a plodder with his deft touch and passing game fits any offense, any style, and can turn basketball into a satirical game. The Webber Kings brought back fun offensive maneuvering  with no emphasis on speed or athleticism. They started Peja and Vlade Divac, a shadow of Yao formed from cigarette smoke. 

They will never run in Seven Seconds or Less but they can play the half court as fluidly as anyone so long as Yao mans the high post. 

Yao is injury prone you say? Yes, that is true but no one is indispensable. Three Amigos fellate karma with their preparation. One man down destroys nothing. McGrady and Yao can limp through games and the Rockets still have the best big three in the L. No apologies to KG, Pierce, and Allen. Apologies to KG, Pierce, and Rondo. 

What does Ron Artest do?  The Mother Fucker plays great basketball. I read a lot about basketball, far too much by all accounts and the basketball voices of our time have taken to tearing down Artest for behavioral issues. The same thing happens with me. I might put holes in your wall but I'm still one fun motherfucker to have around. 

I am proud to be a Piston fan today. I am not proud of my team, my arena, or blabbermouthed Mason on the PA. I can't abide another MiggitymiggityMaC Dyess. I'm proud of Pistons fans b/c we know our basketball. Though Ron Ron charged into the stands and beat the bejujubees from some hillbillies, we never denounced the man. He was unwelcome at barbecues and brisses but our hatred burned as a dormant ember, a far cry from the blood lust for Ben Wallace. Ron's abilities on the floor made him impossible to cherish like Rodman before him. We know a miscast hero when we see one and clamored for Artest's arrival and the ensuing PR debacle in the off season. 

It would never happen but we wanted it. We WANTED the player who charged into the stands. No one wanted the equally available Jermaine but Ron Ron speaks in specialness. 

*****

Fuck. It's 6:30 on Halloween. I've got a RAVE to prepare for. 

Trendy Haircut Bitches

Possibly the most exciting team this season (other than the one you really root for, like the Pistons for Joel and the Lakers for me) is the Houston Rockets. Actually fuck that, they ARE the most exciting team. Or at least the most intriguing.

With the addition of Artest the Rockets now have the making of a killer cop show. They of course have Yao, the model officer. The one everyone should strive to be (even an entire nation over a billion strong), but who isn't really comfortable in that role and is a tad fragile. Then there's Tracy, the one with the tragic back story. His expression shows the weight of too many dead bodies and unspeakable crimes. He just can't seem to shake his past either no matter how hard he tries. And now there's Ronny Artest, the new cop on the block, the one who is a little bit crazy. He's seen it all and it might've fucked him up or he just might be a little odd. He also fears giant snake eggs.

Their past failures unite them and drive them on a season long quest for redemption.

DAY II

Dear Bryan, 

I am angry at you. Los Angeles' effect on Baron Davis was agreed upon by the both of us via text message last night sometime in the Eight O' Clock hour. The Clippers looked god-awful in a basketball sense but were quite compelling from the vista of the story teller. 

The story starts with Baron. A product of the melting pot, his career has been a collage of hybrids and hi-jinx, with his game operating as a medium between the two rules. In Charlotte Baron played like a Tight End. In Golden State, he operated as the leader of a kamikaze platoon, holding the reigns as he charged charged charged. The mentality of being everything to everyone permeated the off court persona as he produces movies and seduces Kate Hudson. Coming to LA, Bruckheimerfication was imminent but no one knew what that meant. 

Point Guard as a classification no longer does him justice. Master's Dissertation in Sociology is much more like it. Baron's always been a bull but yesterday I saw him extend the Point Guard domain all the way to the hoop. Point guards penetrate but Baron was just sort of there, meticulously controlling the half court from every spot on the floor. I saw him reset the offense at the top of the elbow with three defenders all around him. The defenders put no affronts towards Baron and accepted it. 

Also of note, is the additional infusion of flash into Baron's game. Pulling fancy shit from every corner because y'know he is Los Angeles now. 

Everyone wins when Geography marries Ball Handling. Thanks Baron. 

***** 

Quick thoughts on the First REAL night of the NBA season. 

Tuesday was such a cock tease. It was a good night for stir-fry and nothing more. 

I really like this Clipper team. Two legits running into each other, Thornton and Gordon bouncing around like over-zealous mosquitoes, and Paul Davis shooting transition threes (FROM THE BACK UP CENTER!) should be captured in finger paint forever. 

Unfortunately, Ricky Davis and Tim Thomas will ruin everything. Like always. Again. 

A staunch defense on my opinions towards Amir and Stuckey is coming. It will read like excuses. 

Nearly every notable rookie had a stellar debut--except for Odie but that's a shoo-in if he ever plays. First games don't mean much but they can damn sure stand as an announcement. I didn't think much of OJ Mayo or Kevin Love in college or when they came out in the draft. I go to USC and ran into Mayo on occasion but was far from enamored with the chunky white girl chasing SG. 

If last night was any indication these two will be running (ok one will be waddling) rampant for a while. 

OJ Mayo went 5-20 which is a terrible line but shooting twenty shots in your first game exhibits the quiet type of confidence that turns good players into great players. 

Kevin Love played 18 minutes scored twelve and grabbed nine. His +/- = +20!!! Shit. 

*****

I often wonder what to do with my film degree. Making the greatest Josh Smith mix tape of all time could be the calling. 

It will be fifteen minutes long and be set entirely to the music of Girl Talk. Highlights of Smith with be mashed up with the clip from Critters in which the critters form into a giant critter ball and roll through town. I also hope to find footage of Dwight Howard with food poisoning. 

Magic/Hawks a rivalry we can all agree upon. 

Volleyballin'

None of the televised games in LA were enough to drag me away from laundry, Be Kind Rewind, or Obama on the Daily Show, so please forgive me if my oppinions come off as incredibly uninformed. Truth be told they would probably be the exact same if I had watched every single second of the games played tonight. Certain things stick out to me regardless of how much I'm concentrating.

But enough of setting the stage for my comments. So without further ado, here they are in their sleepy glory:

With the exception of the Memphis/Houston games, all tonight's games seemed to have been suitably high scoring. Defense can be a marvelous thing (when its of the set-things-ablaze-to-birth-something-new variety), but creation (not creationism) is so much more fun.

Despite their position as teams that bore the hell out of me, Sacramento and Minnesota seemed to have played a nice nail biter. This is was needed especially after yesterday's complete lack of theatre.

Phoenix's win over San Antonio probably isn't that meaningful. The Spurs are at 2/3 strength and they're never that good for the first 3/4 (multiple fractions in one sentence! oh shit!!!) of the season anyway. Still, it's alway nice to beat the Spurs, especially if you've met in past issues of the ongoing series.

The Lakers look sort of superb. I'm biased and they haven't really played anyone, but man alive do they look swell. Also I loved that on espn.com's season predictions, Jalen Rose didn't justify his picking the Lakers to win the title. Yes there were a few others who declined to provide elaboration for their picks, but their indifference is a different beast than Jalen's. Rose realizes that it is the pick that matter and he will let his actions speak, rather than shitting all over the screen by way of his (or his ghostwriter's) keyboard. Jalen Rose = Ernest Hemingway, Ernest Hemingway = Jalen Rose.

THE PLAY/MOMENT OF THE DAY was brought to us by the face of LA's other team. Half way through the third quarter with the game well out of reach, Baron Davis (my favorite Bruin) was still playing like a man infused with the holy spirit, hustling after a loose ball, throwing a ridiculous no look volleyball pass over his head to a streaking Al Thornton (I think, really you watch the play and try to notice anything beside Davis' pass) who whole heartedly took advantage of an uncontested opportunity to dunk. LA does something to Davis, and I hope its effect on him will help him over come the (probably) inevitable Clippers malaise that has already got its sights on him. In the words of Jalen, it was a great play.

Finally it's being reported that Oden will only be out 2-4 weeks. While I hope this is true I sorta/kinda/definitely doubt it. But you know what, maybe we've entred a new era of sports team transparency.

IT Begins

At 7:23 PM I said the following "Without basketball I feel as if I am without a bart of both my body and soul." 

I believe this to be true but if tonight is any indicator I am a soulless amputee. This was not the sport I love. This wasn't even Soap Opera. A drab display of unnecessary pomp, false idolatry, detracting from gravitational beauty in a cold, soulless corporate march. Sasha sure is funny though. 

Greg Oden got hurt again. He looked old and plodding to begin with. I hope he is alright, but at the same time I better not waste a hope on the player I saw tonight. I'd be better off wishing on a jelly bean for butterscotch dreams. 

Boston versus Cleveland has all the electricity of a briss. 

Chicago played? So did Milwaukee? It was better in the NL Central. Sabathia could out play half these cats. Especially you Gadzuric. 

The first day...

I didn't get a chance to see much competitive basketball today. By the time I got off work, the Blazers/Lakers game was all but over (and I started watching at the half). So the one good game of the day turned out to be a bust. A disappointing way to start the season to say the least.

Anyway here are my uneducated thoughts on tonight's games:

Cleveland vs. Boston - I can not think of a less intriguing game to start off the season with. Apparently Paul Pierce cried during the banner raising at the beginning. All I know is that the game was close but not really that close based on watching the final 5 minutes of the game on Gamecast.

Milwaukee vs. Chicago - Derrick Rose scored 11, had 9 assists, and brought in 4 rebounds. Nothing else in this game was of consequence.

Portland vs. the Lakers - The game I thought would be great but wasn't. Lamar Odom made an ok pass to Sasha Vujacic at one point, the only problem being that Vujacic was on the bench. Greg Oden also hurt his foot. Again. This is extremely distressing and really the only thing that may matter about this game.

So there it is, the first day of the 2008-2009 NBA season. Nothing deserving of rejoicing. I pray for a good game before Christmas.

Your hopes and your dreams and your hate and your lies

With the NBA season starting tomorrow, I though it appropriate to put up my version of a season preview. I don't really have the time, focus, or discipline to write out something on every team so here's my best shot (or at least what I could write up in 15 minutes). All teams listed in terms of preference:

Team I spend countless hours thinking about (aka the team that I will weep for):

Los Angeles Lakers - My team. My heart. My everything.

Teams I will root for:

Toronto Raptors - T. J. Ford's out of the way, so I expect magic from them. Chris Bosh looks like a stegosaurus and Jose Calderon thinks Mexican food is better than Spanish food.

Portland Trail Blazers - I feel like I only have a season or two left of rooting for them, before they become the Lakers mortal enemies.

New Orleans Hornets - Chris Paul and Tyson's Chandlers athleticism.

Teams I'm almost endlessly intrigued by:

Houston Rockets - Tracy McGrady, the world's most morose and sleepy eyed private eye.

Los Angeles Clippers - There only chance is if Baron Davis' beard gives its wearer the power of invulnerability. Perchance to dream.

Memphis Grizzlies - I don't know why either.

Denver Nuggets - Midway through the season the rest of Carmelo's body will take on the baby-like qualities of his face.

Philadelphia 76ers - Thadeus Young is on one of my fantasy teams!

Team I will pay attention to because they mean so much to people I hold near and dear:

Detroit Pistons - The most exciting group of young role player who will never be anything more than role players ever. Although I expect better from them than that. Duh-zers.

Team I feel I should like but don't for some reason that is not yet clear:

Orlando Magic - They have all these intriguing players and often play a chaotic style in pursuit of creation, yet I don't like them.

Team I kinda of sort of want to see what will happen to since I really liked Seven Seconds or Less:

New York Knicks - It'd be great if James Dolan turns out to be some sort of soul sucking celestial sent down to earth to enrage Spike Lee and make Woody Allen shrug his shoulders, and not just a complete moron.

Team I will occasionally check in on because they are coached by Vinny Del Negro:

Chicago Bulls - Some of my most vivid basketball memories are images of David Robinson glaring at Vinny and Dennis Rodman and wishing they'd let him join their secret club. P.S. Dennis Rodman is almost 50!!!

Teams that prove that there is no such thing as addition by subtraction (even if involuntary):

Washington Wizards - I miss you Gilby.

Atlanta Hawks - The Greeks have stolen your essence! Even if he wasn't that great to begin with.

Golden State Warriors - Oh what could have been.

Team I feel like I should hate, but sort of don't, but don't care for regardless:

Utah Jazz - I like Darren Williams and not just because his hair is always done all crooked-like.

Teams I don't care about and thus can muster no words for:

Charlotte Bobcats, Dallas Mavericks, Indiana Pacers, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Jersey Nets, Sacramento Kings.

Teams I will not root for:

Miami Heat - Even if I like Wade more than ever before (what a great Olympics!) I cannot find it within myself to root for this team.

Phoenix Suns - These are not the Sun of old. I do like Amare though.

Oklahoma City Thunder - Someday Kevin Durant will be on another team. I am excited for that day.

Cleveland Cavaliers - Boring.

San Antonio Spurs - Boring x 2.

Team that I hate with all my might:

Boston Celtics - Fuck 'em.

P.S. I won't make a title prediction for awhile. If ever.

We Are Here!

This is a blog about Basketball. Why a blog? This is 2008. Why basketball? I've spent the past twenty minutes trying to load Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback Column to read the latest dish about the NFL. I wasn't too enthused when B came to me with idea of a basketball blog as I'm sort of aloof and nonsensical about most things these days. I knew I was in but needed an onus to spark my interest...

As I grow older my ADD gets worse and worse. It's gotten so bad that I find myself accepting it as a legitimate handicap. My high dosage of Adderall doesn't do the trick like it used to. Worse yet, I have papers due all the time  a novel to write in my spare time to maintain any semblance of self worth. These are the sort of thoughts that make me want to get my life organized but I don't make the leap. This is especially clear on Sundays. Sundays are spent laying around, watching football, and having strange conversations with weird people. Stand up Comedy was once a part of the mix and and will be again but I can't when. I want to jump in front of everyone and make them laugh. That is my primary desire. 

I meander. I mean to succinctly say that I spend Sunday nights drinking beer, writing, and reading about basketball in my spare time. I like to read novels. I want to read novels. But nothing compares to the pursuit of hoop. 

Awake by myself at 6:34 I find my thoughts turning to basketball, specifically the NBA and how the Sacramento Kings would fare against a Maccabi Tel Aviv team keyed by Piston burn outs Carlos Arroyo and Rodney White.  

I listen to music too. On Sundays it's Stevie Wonder, MF Doom, Air, and Gershwin at the moment. 

I am digressing. I fail in fulfilling my obligation to this blog. Get used to it. 

Tuesday is a Holy Day in my world. The advent of the NBA season brings another turn on the Great Narrative. I watch basketball but sometimes I watch basketball. In a state of extreme focus every player, action, and event becomes a cog in the Great Narrative of an NBA season. I watch a lot of Sports but when basketball makes complete sense, serving allegories for everything while standing tall as a monolith of sport. 

I am here to follow the Great Narrative of Basketball. To chronicle the rise and fall of expectations and the mixing of the unknown. In this season I will learn a lot about basketball but even more about what it means to be a man. How one best approaches a goal. What pursuit fits which purpose. I write everyday but it is of no coincidence that I write considerably more during the NBA season. The bevy of ball breaks down every aspect into little crystals of knowledge I can put in my pocket and stash away until I have a family all my own. 

Without further ado...

WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN IN THE 2008-09 BASKETBALL SEASON

The old fashioned elite will fall to the ashes. Boston and San Antonio should go but probably won't. Dallas and Phoenix deserve another run but only one team will obtain it. I will refuse to wear my Dirk Nowitzki jersey because I fear I am kind of soft. Dirk will still score 23, grab 9, and go to sleep unsatisfied. Jason Kidd will make him feel terrible. Giving away the gold wasn't good for Dirk's psyche. 

Houston will rise and ascend...finally. I've been waiting for this team for years. Yao and Stevie. Yao and Tracy. Tracy and Scola. I believe in any incarnation. However, this is a team built on both logic and nastiness. Consider it the advent of Hip Hop Academia. Mix the stability of Yao, T-Mac, and Battier with volatility of Scola and Artest and you're welcome in any alley or lecture hall. 

The Rockets, Jazz, Hornets, Suns, Raptors, Pistons, and Heat deserve to win the Championship. 

The Cavaliers, Spurs, Celtics, Magic, and Bulls do not. The Bulls don't deserve to win another game. Ever. The Magic need to show more spunk to endear themselves, no one wants to be "potential" forever. The Celtics need to have some dignity. The Spurs need less dignity. The Cavs should move to Albania and end the ceaseless cycles of LeBron chatter. 

Matt Barnes on the Suns will be a spectacle for all to see. 

Rodney Stuckey will win 6th Man of the Year. 

Carlos Boozer will turn into a Monster and Deron Williams will feel slighted again. 

The Clippers will be a ton of fun and Baron Davis will learn something from it all. We will see it in filmic form by 2011. 

Basketball season is upon us...in a few days!!!

Friends, lovers, and countrymen,

One of the greatest times of the year is nigh. We are just days away from from the start of another NBA season. While it will most likely not live up to the astonishment of last season (up until the finals at least), we here at El Baloncesto (the possibly temporary name, what can I say neither Joel or I are married to it just yet) are still excited. We've been valiantly fighting off our need to spend most of our waking moments talking about the game we love so much (there have been a few breaks in the dam, but we've been pretty good).

Thankfully the time for restraint has passed. So join us as we attempt to blog about the NBA every day from now until sometime in June of next year. Will we make it? Who knows! But it'll most likely be fun to watch. I think.

Also fuck the Celtics.

Best,

Bryan